euu typedd*: blog

(Tuesday, July 21, 2009-)
+12:24 AM]*

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Back to write again!!

i guess. this place is the place where i "shout" out all my thoughts.. this is the place where i can find my true self.. i turned on the TV and saw GOAL 2.. the downside when i turn it on.. the part where everything goes wrong for santi.. is that the part i am having now? cause i don't feel myself.. i don't understand.. somethings is not right..

Yes i am trying hard to change.. but i don't think i am myself.. i feel weird.. is like another person is taking over.. is this how drug addicts feel when they try to quit? if it is.. IT SUCKS!

trainings.. injuried leg is causing my interest.. i can't do SHIT! all i can do is gym and core.. and all who knows me knows that i HATE GYM.. come on.. who love to do core? anyone? i seriously doubt.. and thats what i am doing every training.. it sucks.. looking at others jumping and training to improve and all i can do is core!

i got so much in my i feel like telling others.. so much.. so much.. how i wish i have a comforting listening ear that understands how i feel.. is so uneasy to keep it all inside of me..

back to core.. all i can do now is to lie to myself.. not exactly lying.. just trying to change my mindset.. instead of improving on my jumps.. now all i am telling myself is to get a nice body.. i need to push myself to get a nice set of abs..

i wonder how long can i persuade myself to stay in training.. or will history repeat itself again? will i start skipping trainings and all.. will i once again break the trust and hope that coach have in me..

i guess i am starting to talk rubbish to you.. hopefully i am not getting into your nerves.. whats wrong.. i am sorry if i am starting to bug you 1 too many times.. sorry..

the story ends like this;
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